Watch the video below by Steve McVey, Christian Religion Lie #72 “Marriage Is A Fifty-Fifty Proposition“ and my comments follow…
NOTE: I’m not currently married –so I’m by NO MEANS an expert on this whole marriage thing — but I’d say this post is most definitely applicable to Christian relationships… or… loving relationships of any kind.
Sounds good doesn’t it?
A Marriage relationship or Christian relationship is 50/50. Equal.
It’s often given advice that sounds logical.
When you believe this lie, you believe you are supposed to “meet each other half way” in your marriage or Christian relationship.
You insist on your own rights — you insist that your partner gives you those rights — and that they meet you half way.
But here’s the problem with that way of thinking…
Neither you or your partner can agree on what “half way” is!
And this is the source of this problem with this manner of thinking about Christian relationships and marriage relationships. You and your partner eventually (often quickly) feel like your “rights” are violated in the relationship and that leads to all kinds of trouble.
What’s the answer instead of thinking of your marriage relationship as “fifty-fifty”?
Instead you should give 100%.
Give 100 percent with no concern as to how much… or… how little your partner gives you in your relationship.
Why?
Steve McVey says that marriage isn’t a contract, it’s a covenant — i.e. in a contract, each person has a role — a requirement to give.
But in a covenant– each person gives 100% without concern for what the other person does or doesn’t do. (Just like God’s covenant with you — He is totally and completely unconditional in all of His ways towards you).
Here’s what I think…
Christian Relationships, Marriage Relationships and Relationships in general are about LOVE
In the past, I tried to “get” from my relationships.
What can this person give me? What can I get from them? Am I giving them too much? I need to keep my distance…
And when you are closed off to love — you suffer. Plain and simple.
When you are open to allow unconditional Love to flow through you into your relationship (via Christ/God — the source of unconditional love) — then you are happy.
- You can’t be disappointed in your lover — because you expect nothing from them…
- You can’t feel like you’re not getting enough of something in your relationship–because you already have it all, in the love of God
- You can’t feel “unloved” because you find your love, acceptance and satisfaction in one person and one person only…
You find your love in God.
Here’s the truth that I’ve discovered:
NOBODY in this world… not your lover… not your spouse… not a friend… NOBODY can fulfill you.
Read it again for emphasis:
NOBODY can fulfill you!
So when you go to relationships looking to be “fulfilled” then you are setting yourself up for failure. We were NOT designed to find fulfillment in another human being.
We were designed to find our fulfillment… our LIFE… in one divine person, and one divine person only — God.
Now the Bible also says…
“It’s not good for Man to be alone”
And I’m not denying that. Loving relationships are, in my view, the GREATEST gift God has given us to experience on this earth.
BUT — they’re not a replacement for our relationship with God.
You see, if you have a strong, loving relationship with God… if you find your fulfillment in Him… In Loving Him… in being LOVED by Him… then your Christian relationships (or marriage relationship) will be darn near perfect.
Why?
Because you…
- Will be self confident (confident you’re truly loved)
- You won’t be needy (you’re already satisfied)
- You’ll be joyful (your joy comes from your relationship with God)
- You’ll know, without a doubt that…
You are truly LOVED!
And this is how we were designed to live! Out of our relationship with the one who IS love — God. (1 John 4:16)
Since I discovered this, my relationships have been nothing short of amazing. I’m joyful, I’m complete, and I bring that into my relationships.
If I forget it — if I start to think of one woman as “what would fulfill me” — it quickly turns my relationship into pain and suffering because no human can do this for us. Then it’s time for me to step back, remind myself of the truth, and then enter back into the awesomeness.
It’s only when you’re complete, independent and don’t NEED anything from your Christian relationship like this that you can truly give 100% with no thought of “fifty-fifty”… getting something back… or anything like that.
You can truly love unconditionally in your relationships.
And that my friend is how you have a great Christian or marriage relationship… and… how you have a great Christian life!
With Love 
Caleb
{ 3 comments… read them below or add one }
Jessica 08.12.08 at 6:18 pm
Question, so if we can not find someone, a human, who will fullfill us, then how do you know when you have found the right person to spend your life with?
calebo 08.14.08 at 5:59 pm
That depends on you. What you want from life, kids, lifestyle, who you “click with”.
The point is to not get hung up on:
“This person is my all and everything. They “complete me”. If I ever lose them I’ll die…”
Marriages, and relationships for that matter, I see as “interdependent” relationships.
And before you can be interdependent, you must first be independent.
With Love
Caleb
DORCAS KIBET 10.15.08 at 1:46 pm
I have read most of your articles and i was really encouraged continue with the same spirit and God will add you more.